Do you have siblings? Strong Bonds Can Help Increase Happiness: Shots
The science of siblings is a new series that explores how our siblings can influence us, from our money and mental health to our molecules. It will be us share these stories during the next few weeks.
Many of us have ups and downs in our relationships with our siblings. And these relationships can be most intense during adolescence.
I remember as a teenager my older sister reminding me that she was in charge, like when she got her driver's license and insisted that I sit in the back seat when we picked up her friend Pam, who was allowed to sit in the front . It was annoying.
But as we left the house in our twenties, our relationship continued to evolve. We began to see each other as equals and friends. She still likes to take responsibility, although I admire her for it now because she's good at it. And somewhere along the way, she became my biggest cheerleader, supporting me in my career and my parenting. Our shared values and experiences have brought us closer together in middle age.
It turns out that this is a good sign for me and my sisters' emotional health. Researchers have found that a warm, close bond with a sibling in early adult life predicts greater resilience later in life, with less loneliness, anxiety and depression.
“I think it speaks to the importance of sibling bonding,” he says Megan Gilligan, Associate Professor of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Missouri.
Gilligan and her colleagues analyzed survey data from hundreds of participants Family Transition Project, a decades-long study of family relationships. They found that people who reported higher levels of warmth and connectedness with their siblings at age 23 had lower levels of anxiety and depressive symptoms at age 41. “And we also found the opposite,” says Gilligan.
People who experienced conflict in a sibling relationship at age 23 were more likely to report anxiety and other negative emotions in midlife. The results will be published in The Journal of Family Psychology.
There tends to be a turning point in sibling relationships, typically around age 23. “Relationships change,” Gilligan says. And while we never forget these early dynamics, relationships tend to become more stable.
Given all the important relationships people have throughout their lives, with partners, children, friends and colleagues, the importance of sibling relationships can sometimes be hidden. It's easy to take siblings for granted, but Gilligan says the “clear pattern” that emerged from her research shows how early sibling relationships can influence emotional well-being into middle age and beyond. “It affirms the importance of these relationships,” she says.
Another study that examined Sibling relationships in later life found that the importance of these relationships persists into retirement. When researchers examined a sample of 608 older adults with an average age of 65, they found that people who reported warm relationships with siblings were less lonely.
Sibling conflict was associated with feelings of depression, anxiety, and loneliness. “Siblings serve as a source of social support and reduce these mental health issues,” Gilligan says.
And some bonds are closer than others. Researchers found that sisters had warmer relationships than between brothers or between brothers and sisters.
Even if you're not best friends, sibling relationships can be strengthened. The key is to talk things through. Here are three tips to help you.
Express your feelings.
It's easy to fall back into old dynamics or be triggered by childhood events. And if parents had favorites, it can make the relationship more difficult.
Most siblings experience ups and downs in their relationships. “Giving it up is not a good strategy,” Gilligan says. Instead, it's best to acknowledge the past and family dynamics and try to work through them. Just like your relationships with friends or your spouse, our sibling relationships require care and commitment.
Give your siblings some grace.
We tend to be more reactive towards our siblings. A disagreement can return us to the difficult relationships typical of childhood. But as an adult, it's important to take a step back and look at the situation from the sibling's perspective, even if it takes time and patience. “Everything looks different from different perspectives,” he says Ellen Longr, a psychology professor at Harvard who studies mindfulness. Arguments often occur in close relationships, says Langer. Therefore, it is helpful to be curious about your siblings' perspectives and not to judge them. Understanding their perspective will help you better understand their decisions and actions.
Create clear communication channels
Caring for elderly parents can be a major source of conflict for adult siblings. If you're not used to relying on each other, growing parenting needs can require time and commitment. “Division of care is one of the biggest sources of conflict,” says Gilligan. Suddenly you may need to stay in constant contact. “And the reality for most families is that it will never be the same,” she says. One way to reduce conflict is to set up a daily text message or weekly FaceTIme call to make a plan and get on the same page. Proactively anticipating needs can help with planning and reduce stress.
